Dear Cyndie,
A young
relative of mine has just welcomed a new baby girl into her family. She and her
husband are planning to give the baby an unusual name with a creative spelling.
Unfortunately,
when you pronounce the name according to their spelling, you get a recognizable
word that produces surprise and then laughter, and not in a good way. I have noted
this reaction to the baby’s printed name several times, so I know I am not the
only one making this connection.
Do I say
something, or not?
Dear Friend,
Do you ever
wonder what leads parents to give a child a name with an ill-conceived creative
spelling that, when pronounced, produces unflattering surprise and laughter?
I do. I wonder
why they are not thinking ahead to every time that name is read aloud, said
aloud, printed on a resume or listed in a company directory. Why they are not
thinking about how it would feel to live with that spelling. And, most of all, why
they did not listen when the unflatteringly humorous pronunciation was pointed
out to them by their own parents, friends and loved ones.
Surely, at
some point in the naming process, someone close to these parents said something
like, “Sayid is a wonderful name. But why did you spell it “sighed?” Or, “I
received your baby’s birth announcement. She’s darling, and her name is “Analyze?”
Or even, from their blunt uncle, “You’re not really going to name her “Medusa” just so you can call her Maddy, are you? You know that Medusa is mythical Greek monster with a hideous face and snakes for hair who will turn you to stone if you look at her. Here, check Wikipedia if you don’t believe me.”
Or even, from their blunt uncle, “You’re not really going to name her “Medusa” just so you can call her Maddy, are you? You know that Medusa is mythical Greek monster with a hideous face and snakes for hair who will turn you to stone if you look at her. Here, check Wikipedia if you don’t believe me.”
All of these
statements, of course, are potentially hurtful. They unmistakably imply that
the parents are ignorant and lacking in judgement.
These statements
are also intrusive. Naming a child is his parents’ prerogative, in every sense
of the word, and parents are entitled to great deference on the matter.
Even so, if a
baby’s parents really were contemplating “Medusa” as a baby name, I think it’s
safe to say that intervention would be warranted. Not because the intervenor
has any kind of right to name the baby or to criticize the parents, but because
there are some times in life when the duty to mind one’s own business takes a
back seat to the duty to provide information to a person who is making a
decision.
The trick,
of course, is knowing when to speak up and when to keep your thoughts to
yourself. I suggest you ask yourself four questions.
One, is your
concern over a preference (a name you don’t care for) or a problem (Medusa)? If
you simply don’t care for a name, you should welcome the opportunity to learn
to love it. But if there is an articulable problem with the name, you might
consider saying something.
Two, do you
have the kind of relationship with these young parents that allows you to bring
up a sensitive topic? If you are close, your relative might expect you to bring such facts to her
attention. I, for example, would be shocked if my sisters and close friends did
not tell me important information they knew I lacked. Such a conversation would
begin, “Okay, but have you thought about . . . .”
However, if
you know that any comment from you will be taken the wrong way (i.e. they will
think you’re trying to criticize and control them no matter how objectively
reasonable your point), you might decide to keep mum. Hopefully, though, your affection
is so steady, so sure, that a potentially offensive and hurtful comment can be
taken as information instead of insult.
Three, is
the information you wish to convey important enough to risk hurting their
feelings? Is it important enough that you will feel peace about any rift that
develops between you because of your actions.
Four, would
your information be novel, or would you be the eleventy-millionth person to
pile on? If you are the sole source of the information, you should be more willing to risk a rift
than if you know that many other people have already expressed the same
concern.
So, how do
these factors shake out in your case? It seems like you have a legitimate
(rather than preference-based) concern, and a baby’s name is at stake. Names are a big deal. They last a long time.
You will have to evaluate for yourself whether your relationship can bear the
weight; or, conversely, whether your relationship is close enough that your
young relative would expect you to bring such a fact to her attention.
I think your
claim is most likely to fail on the fourth question: Is seems unlikely that no
one has brought this ill-fated pronunciation to these young parents’ attention.
Surely someone—a friend, a relative, a co-worker—has said, “I like the name
Annalise, but do you realize that spelling reads “analyze” because you used ‘es’
instead of ‘se’ at the end? Hey—it also reads ‘Anna lies!’”
In fact, I
suspect that if you call this young relative’s mother and, in a pleasant tone, mention
the baby’s name, she’ll let you know that, Yes, she is aware of the
ill-conceived spelling, and Yes, the problem has been brought to new parents’
attention. And Yes, they are sticking with it. If that is the case, you are better
off saving your breath and your personal capital.
Finally, before
you talk to anyone, I suggest you do some research. It is possible that the objectionably
word has a historically negative connotation that has faded or even reversed in
recent years. The name and spelling could be a family name, a reference to
popular culture, or common in a language other than English.
Whether those
considerations should overpower the unflattering creative spelling is a matter
for debate, but they would indicate that the spelling was chosen purposefully, despite
its defects, which would weigh against your interference.
No comments:
Post a Comment